I have really fucked up this time. I dont listen well when the advice on me. *sighs* I shall drown in my sorrow now...later there will poems on here. poems of despair. how could i be so stupid. all she ever tried to do was fucking care. and i blew up. i let my fucking anger get the best of me when it was my best friend that i cared bout most. but now i am dumb...and fucking an idiot. I just hope she can forgive me for fucking up. I didnt know he was going to do that. he deserves the worst for his fuck up. i derserve the worst. SPyKE is cool and everyone on here knows it. I wish i could die. i dersve to die...but i will live on because i am to swim in my sorrow.

*screams in long, hard, loud sound*

*silences herself by a gunshot to the head...of indirect feelings and words that are lost in a jumble about her scattered brains on the concrete floor*

Let there be an end to my pain.

I dont know why i bother. i try to love and i get smushed. is that what i am worth? apparently. sigh. well i guess i learn the hard way huh> yes id o. and it will never change. never has...never will. fuck it all to hell. nothing is left

FEAR FACTORY ( my life for today)

DESCEND

forgotten and displaced

I FEEL NOTHING...I AM NOTHING...I FEEL NOTHING

Life is overwhelming...heavy is the head that wears the crown. but you might need my hand when youre falling in your hole...but i will remember your dispoistion when i am letting go. I am listening to lb. not exactly metal...but i was in the mood for it.

so uhm...yeah i got out of mowning the damn grass tomorrow...but i have to do it tomorrow. ACK. not looking foward to that.

So other than that...hmm...been tired, but  i am staying up till when ever tonite...i am going to do whatever...HA. cant wait to do it ! heheeh...i dont have school tomorrow so i can do whatever :) the best ever HA.

so yeah. well no one even writes on here...ever. i am just out talking to no one :( what fuck heads. BLARG.

Hm..i am enjoying the presence of this computer much  . i have missed it way too long...and to be able to access the net without it fukcing up on you GREAT SHIT RIGHT THERE lol...hahahahhaha..

anyway...the day was okay. i took my SAT's again. Lets hope they are good.

ACK..well just bout everyone knows i am a foster kid and stuff...and well we are getting a new on here in a few weeks. Her name is Mary. she isnt the best person in the world ( yes i know her before hand.) but i wll just live on day to day. LOL. yea...that will do it. def...LOL YES. HA.

hmm..what else...OOH i didnt ahve to go to grannys today...YES i hate going there sometimes. it gets so annoying...so yeah anyway...enough with the rambing of mine LOL

i shall go for now...Oh the play Dracula is coming to town...i want to it SO FUCKING BAD...anyone care to donate some money to me so i can go LOL.?